im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
