why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
