Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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