Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
