We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tornado booty call.. dedication
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
