I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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