the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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