How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
