What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
