shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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