Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
