I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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