I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
