seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
