Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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