i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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