We named our party play list daddy issues
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
