Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
