wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
