is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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