I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
