i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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