Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
