? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
