Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you would pick up someone in the library
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
