Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
