great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
