Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
