the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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