Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
