I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
