the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
