all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
