she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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