we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
