oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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