I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
