i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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