Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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