The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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