So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
