yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
