Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
