He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
