Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
