i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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