a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
