thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
