I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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