I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
