I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
