someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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