omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
