i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
