my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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