i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
