We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
