OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
