I miss vodka workout Fridays
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
