he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
