i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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