She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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