Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
