My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
