Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
