We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
