Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
