Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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