just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
