Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
