You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
