When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
