i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
